Twilight Princess Review by NonConTwilight Princess had potential, but decided being EPIC! was far more important than actually being good. It’s slow, incredibly boring at times, and is filled with just as much frustrating filler as it is actually fun gameplay. Also, FUCK Zant. (2/5)
Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories Review by NonConChain of Memories is a good game that would have been a great game if it weren’t a Kingdom Hearts game. Combat is possibly the best the franchise has seen, and Organization XIII is actually cool in this one! (3/5)
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Sin and Punishment 2: Star Successor Review by MiraiSin and Punishment 2: Star Successor manages to be pretty much anything you could ask for in an action game, not just in a rail shooter. The shooting is balanced and dynamic, the game flows beautifully from scene to scene, and really some jagged pixels and the befuddling story are all that hold it back from brilliance, but it shines all the same. (4/5)
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Trauma Team Review by NonConTrauma Team brings what was great about the Trauma Center games, and plenty of new gameplay modes. The story and characters are great, it just happens to be much too easy. (4/5)
Half-Minute Hero Review by NonConHalf-Minute Hero is a decent time waster, so long as you play it in short bursts. Not every game in this collection is great, but enough are that it’s worth checking out. It’s different, at the very least. (3/5)
Singularity Review by Mirai(Game) is a First-Person Shooter featuring Black Ops soldier (Rank) (Name), sent to investigate (Location) and discovers he’s the only one who can stop (Villain) from using (Magic Power) to (Motivation). Armed with the (Magic Power) you take control of (Name) and work to undo (Villain)’s evil. (2/5)
Phantom Brave Review by NonConPhantom Brave shapes up to be a good NIS sRPG, with lots of content and a fast-paced battle system, but the asshole AI and downright insane amount of grinding kick it right back into shit territory. (2/5)
Nier Review by NonConNier has a perfect soundtrack, amazing characters, and incredibly moving story moments. The gameplay isn’t half-bad either. Unfortunately, it fails to answer some important plot questions, and the first twelve hours are awful. (3/5)
Alan Wake Review by MiraiAlan Wake is not a bad game by any means. But it doesn’t do much that really stands out either, with repetitive combat, pointless narration and in-game manuscripts, a story that has the occasional pants-shittingly idiotic character action. There’s some fun times to be had with it but if it was up to me I’d say Alan Wake needed five more years of development. (3/5)
Megaman Zero Collection Review by NonConThe Zero Collection is good, because most of it is just Megaman X. However, everything new just detracts from the experience. Between grinding, rankings, and a consistently piss-easy endgame, you’ll be left wondering why you should bother playing it at all. After all, Megaman X Collection is cheaper and better. (3/5)
Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops Review by NonConPortable Ops is the worst Metal Gear Solid game to date, unless Peace Walker somehow manages to surpass its awfulness. It adds nothing worthwhile to the plot, is nothing but an MGS handjob, and isn’t remotely fun. The disc its on is a better frisbee than a game. (1/5)
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Metal Gear AC!D 1&2 Review by NonConMetal Gear AC!D has some solid writing, but they still hadn’t figured out how to turn the Metal Gear games into a card based SRPG without causing hideous implosions. Still, keeping in mind that this is the first of its kind, you can’t help but give it some credit. (2/5) AC!D2 has more consistent writing, and fixes most of the problems with the gameplay. There are still a few problems, and it doesn’t have high moments quite like the first game managed, but it’s still one of the best experiences you’re going to get out of a Metal Gear game. (4/5)
Metal Gear Solid 4 Review by MiraiMetal Gear Solid 4 improves on like everything gameplay-wise, but then steamrolls anything that I ever considered excellent about the series. The game has ten climaxes, the cutscenes outnumber the actual gameplay two-to-one, and the plot becomes a satire of itself in the name of plot twists and attempted closure. It has some nice graphics, cool features, and Metal Gear Online is nifty but compared to the might of MGS3 it collapses upon its own weight. (2/5)
Metal Gear Solid 3 Review by MiraiI speak for myself and Noncon when I say that MGS3 did just about everything right. Gameplay, characterization, direction, music, atmosphere, immersion, story, and thematics are all tightly wound together. While some of Kojima’s wordy tendencies, some ancient and frustrating controls, and the heavy cutscene-to-gameplay ratio weigh it down a bit, Snake Eater is an utterly excellent game and has yet to be toppled in all the things it did right, even six years later. (5/5)
Metal Gear Solid 2 Review by NonConMetal Gear Solid 2 is the black sheep of the MGS series. It’s not because of Raiden. Raiden is fine. It just creates an outrageous number of plot threads, and leaves them for other games to tie up. It wouldn’t be a problem if half of these plot threads weren’t so incredibly stupid. (2/5)
Metal Gear Solid Review by NonConMetal Gear Solid is a great game, just so long as you don’t take it too seriously. Unfortunately, the game tends to do that itself sometimes. The Twin Snakes version is the superior one, but either way you’re missing out by not playing it. (3/5)
Metal Gear Classic Review by MiraiMetal Gear MSX is the first of its kind and therefore has more than its share of problems, and while it isn’t terrible the inane backtracking, confusing objectives, and repetitive combat do lend themselves to grate on you, especially since nobody but the Japanese have played it during its original release. (2/5) Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake is a far superior game to the first, with excellent music, graphics, and a surprisingly deep story but the heavy baggage of backtracking and overcomplexity returns to bog it down. (3/5) Metal Gear: Ghost Babel for the Game Boy Color is a surprisingly competent spinoff of the classic top-down Metal Gear games, shrugging off many of the series’ burdens to become the best of the retro lot, even if the console’s processor limitations and that frustrating C4 mission hold it back a bit. (4/5)
Metal Gear Classic Review by NonConThe first Metal Gear for the NES is a horrible game. It takes what is supposedly a decent stealth game and absolutely ruins it in the process of porting it. (0/5) Snake’s Revenge: Metal Gear 2, on the other hand, is still pretty bad, but with save states several parts manage to be really fun. It’s not good, but you can’t help but appreciate how much better it is than its predecessor. (1/5)
Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Review by NonConOcarina of Time isn’t the best game ever, but it’s still fantastic. Even being two console generations old hasn’t kept this from being fantastic in almost every way. There are some control issues, and one or two story issues, but aside from that, it’s amazing. (3/5)
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The Last Remnant Review by AzisienMany teeth-gritted hours will be lost before you come to realize the minute amount of redeeming qualities The Last Remnant has to offer. By then, you’ll probably be too pissed with the game to continue onto the second disc. (1/5).
